A while ago I had some people in my life that were not willing to listen to what I had to say. They tried to get me to do things I wasnt comfortable doing because it was too similar to an abusive situation I was in several years ago. On top of that the person who lives downstairs in my current situation is also an abuser, though not as easily picked up on. After some of the things happened that I am going to write about I wanted to write about red flags so that others may lea

Today has been a day that for the most part I prefer not to repeat, mentally or emotionally. Triggered in part by an interaction with an individual last night that was like pouring salt in a deep wound as well as emailing my counselor and trying to explain how in essence I'm finding it extremely hard to trust her and how she triggers me. Plus the stress and pain of all the things that have happened in the last several months has been excruciating. I still had several hours be

This morning my counselor and I were discussing a current situation and how it seems that most people are OK with walking alongside of you on your journey until they encounter something in your life that they don't agree with or don't know how to handle and then they often pull away. As we were talking, I was reminded of a memory of probably 10 years ago. I was living at an unaccredited and unlicensed counseling facility for women. At the breakfast table one was having a hard

Last Monday an individual I had told I want no contact with chose to surprise me. When you don't have a good relationship with an individual and you set a boundary to protect yourself and it is ignored, it does a lot of damage emotionally, mentally and physically. I cannot explain the effect that this individual's surprise appearance had on me other than that it was devastating and put me in danger of losing my job. This painting is trying to visualize the effect which still

The person stands there looking up into the dark sky "Why?" they ask "Why?" "What do I do with these emotions?" "How do I heal from this mess; this trampled mess of my life?" "How do I let myself deal with these emotions without being overwhelmed?" they ask as they stand there trying to hold this burning ball of emotions that threatens to drown them. Pain shoots through their body as they struggle to hold this burning mass that was handed to them by people who abused them in

My Mennonite ignorance is really revealing itself in this last week as I am faced with the daunting task of selecting the proper clothes to comply with the dress code at my new job.... It consists of a black or white collared dress shirt/Polo shirt as well as black dress pants or slacks... I hate the color black. I can't stand it on my being. Probably because black was the main color as a Mennonite. I think wearing black makes me look sick as well. Also just thinking of weari

Please be kind with your comments... https://www.wildernesstowild.com/community/public/posts/77356-is-your-pastor-doing-the-devil-s-work I think I would also add that when Christians imply to other hurting Christians that they shouldn't feel sad or angry or any other "negative" emotion. I read something the other day that mentioned that we are drawn to laughter but for some reason we as humans find it so hard to accept the emotions on the other end of the spectrum. We try to

Just sharing my ponderings...please be respectful with your comments.... I saw this post the other day and I thought about how well they take care of their horses. Yesterday I saw a reel about a giant of a horse who had been rescued from the killpen at an auction put there by an Amish farmer. A while ago I had been looking at horses for sale and stumbled across a story about the New Holland sales stables and some of the horses that come through there from Amish and Mennonites

Lately I've been learning a lot about healthy boundaries and relationships and what they look like and how if we don't take care of ourselves we will have nothing left to give to those around us. We will be people pleasers and manipulaters unless we learn how to have boundaries and respect for each other.... Like so many other things , I find that when I ask people their answers are usually vague and don't satisfy the reason why I want to know...so what better thing can I do

I've just been realizing lately that I don't have to eat food like I did at home. I don't have to eat Mennonite foods if I don't want to. I don't have to have baked goods and desserts in my diet if I don't want to. I don't know why I thought that I have to. Maybe because that is what used to be normal. Maybe because that's all I know. Now that I'm stepping out of that "used to be" normal in other areas, for what reason shouldn't I do the same with food? Maybe I'm just now rea

"Bloom where you are planted" I read that phrase tonight in a letter from a well meaning person. I heard it at church on Sunday when I overheard a conversation. I hear it here and there. And every time I cringe. I want to hold my ears shut. I want to throw those words on the ground if I could and crush the "living daylights" out of them. Why? Because well meaning people use them and sometimes do much damage with them. It is just another reminder at how our good intentions can