A while ago I had some people in my life that were not willing to listen to what I had to say. They tried to get me to do things I wasnt comfortable doing because it was too similar to an abusive situation I was in several years ago. On top of that the person who lives downstairs in my current situation is also an abuser, though not as easily picked up on. After some of the things happened that I am going to write about I wanted to write about red flags so that others may lea

Today has been a day that for the most part I prefer not to repeat, mentally or emotionally. Triggered in part by an interaction with an individual last night that was like pouring salt in a deep wound as well as emailing my counselor and trying to explain how in essence I'm finding it extremely hard to trust her and how she triggers me. Plus the stress and pain of all the things that have happened in the last several months has been excruciating. I still had several hours be

This morning my counselor and I were discussing a current situation and how it seems that most people are OK with walking alongside of you on your journey until they encounter something in your life that they don't agree with or don't know how to handle and then they often pull away. As we were talking, I was reminded of a memory of probably 10 years ago. I was living at an unaccredited and unlicensed counseling facility for women. At the breakfast table one was having a hard

Last Monday an individual I had told I want no contact with chose to surprise me. When you don't have a good relationship with an individual and you set a boundary to protect yourself and it is ignored, it does a lot of damage emotionally, mentally and physically. I cannot explain the effect that this individual's surprise appearance had on me other than that it was devastating and put me in danger of losing my job. This painting is trying to visualize the effect which still

Please be kind with your comments... https://www.wildernesstowild.com/community/public/posts/77356-is-your-pastor-doing-the-devil-s-work I think I would also add that when Christians imply to other hurting Christians that they shouldn't feel sad or angry or any other "negative" emotion. I read something the other day that mentioned that we are drawn to laughter but for some reason we as humans find it so hard to accept the emotions on the other end of the spectrum. We try to

⛔Trigger Warning: Proceed with caution⛔ Yesterday morning I was having a conversation with a friend and it reminded me of a memory: the first time I realized that I had rage inside of me and I had to work very hard to not endanger a child I was disciplining...in that moment I realized that my rage was towards my dad and that the child had nothing to do with it. It was just that this time I was on the authority side of things. I also remembered how I was puzzled in self defens

Lately I've been learning a lot about healthy boundaries and relationships and what they look like and how if we don't take care of ourselves we will have nothing left to give to those around us. We will be people pleasers and manipulaters unless we learn how to have boundaries and respect for each other.... Like so many other things , I find that when I ask people their answers are usually vague and don't satisfy the reason why I want to know...so what better thing can I do

I'm being very vulnerable here...please be kind with your comments... I about want to say this and mean it except it's not my mind...it's my body...for years I just wanted to be normal and people looking at me might say I look normal but I certainly don't feel normal...I've been reading lately of how trauma and abuse affects the body and how the body stores abuse and trauma memories and pain resulting in physical issues and illnesses if the memories and pain are not processed

Today was a normal day. A normal day of being triggered. Today was one that doesn't happen very often. I was at work. I heard a baby crying. I didn't think about it at first but within a minute I felt rage rising inside of me. I was transported back into the world of a 6-8 yr old girl who had just gotten a new baby sister not long before and her mom was trying to rest while her dad tried to calm the crying baby. As she played with one or two other siblings she looked up as sh