The person stands there looking up into the dark sky "Why?" they ask "Why?" "What do I do with these emotions?" "How do I heal from this mess; this trampled mess of my life?" "How do I let myself deal with these emotions without being overwhelmed?" they ask as they stand there trying to hold this burning ball of emotions that threatens to drown them. Pain shoots through their body as they struggle to hold this burning mass that was handed to them by people who abused them in more ways than one. For several years now they did their best to leave it in the past and move on with their life but lately they've realized more and more that the abuse has devastated their life in more ways than one. As they struggle to know how to proceed in seeking healing they are left standing with this burning mess of emotion that threatens to engulf them in flames. It wasn't their choice. They tried to get rid of it. To drop it. To throw it away. To lock it in the darkest part of the basement. To pray it away. To let it go. All to no avail. Here they stand holding this burning thing that sticks to them like a burr on a fleece blanket. They cannot get rid of it. They don't know what to do with it. Will it cause them to go crazy? Will it cause them to weep for days? Will it cause them to react in some way that will cause people to lock them up in the psychiatric ward? Will they lose their mind? All these questions and more run through their mind as they stand there holding this mess they can't get rid of. They feel so alone. The tears dam up on the inside and refuse to release. It is so huge it is overwhelming and threatening. They don't know what to do but to stay busy so that they can feel like they have a half decent life they're living howbeit miserable. The swirling mess makes no sense as they seek to talk about it, to put it in to words, to describe the event. Every effort seems to evaporate like smoke and their brain is left empty of words and their tongue goes silent as they seek to release the power of this trauma so that healing can begin...to not avail... what could the reason be? Perhaps they don't feel safe enough. Perhaps they don't have anyone they feel they can trust enough with this level of pain and turmoil. Perhaps they feel too scared to let anyone near in their need for fear of being hurt again or the wound deepened by some thoughtless words of some well meaning folk. There are many perhaps...they probably don't even really know themselves as they are left standing in the middle of a storm that seems to have no end...
This painting is still wet and the light glares on it but hopefully you can get the idea...this painting is called "Fireball of Emotion"...
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