If you decide to make a new start in your life make sure that everything you take with you fits in your car that way you don't have to ask anybody for help, then it won't be hard to pack and move when the need arises...
Oh, and don't expect the people that you consider friends to show up and help you if you need it...
I'm currently sitting in the shelter trying to figure out how to extricate my belongings from its prison and get it to a storage unit without wasting law enforcement or anyone else's time anymore than I have to...
Apparently one has to be a part of a church or have family or lots of willing friends or I don't know what...
When your family isn't safe and you moved to get away from them because they don't respect boundaries, why would I want to move back to that area? (It's been suggested)
So different from Mennonite culture...
It makes me feel even more alone...maybe it's just better to be homeless than to believe friends would help you when you need help...
I didn't think it's wrong to expect your friends to be there for you because you yourself expect to help them if they need it. Like how long do you need to be friends before one can expect one's friends to show up when help is needed?
Neither do I want to take advantage of people. I've been trying to do my best to not be a "bloodsucker" because I don't want to be one... but maybe I've failed somewhere...
I'm just frustrated right now. I probably expected more than I should have. I've been scratching my head to figure out how to get the job done when I don't have the money to pay anyone to help...I don't know what I'm going to do...I just know I want to cry...because I certainly didn't expect to end up in such a mess...
What a mess I've gotten myself into...well, actually that I've been dumped into...I must remember to put the blame where it goes instead of trying to carry it myself when it doesn't belong to me...
I posted the above on social media and a friend commented that I wasn't in the area long enough to have friends. There are 2 ladies I was considering as friends but her comment made me question what a friend even is and how long it takes till you actually can have a friend you can count on....
1 : one attached to another by affection or esteem
1 a : the state of being acquainted
b : personal knowledge
2 a : the persons with whom one is acquainted
b : a person whom one knows but who is not a particularly close friend
What makes one a friend?
They're optimistic but practical.
They're fearlessly huggable.
They're open hearted.
You can be yourself around them.
You can sit in silence without awkwardness.
You are genuinely happy for each other when good things happen.
The conversation goes beyond small talk and catching up.
They confront you when you are self sabotaging
They will encourage you rather than disparage you for trying new things
They will forgive you for (almost) anything.
You are genuinely excited to see them.
You don't feel guilty about turning down an invitation.
You feel comfortableenough to ask them a favor.
Read more here:
How to tell when one is an acquaintance but not a friend:
An acquaintance won't show vulnerability or share much with you
They act differently with their other friends
They don't remember much of what you tell them
They're uninterested in meeting/befriending your other friends
Something about the friendship feels "off"
Read more here:
Here are some differences between friends and acquaintances:
I don't know if any of this helps anyone else but it does help me. The two "friends" that I asked for help who turned me away are acquaintances, not real friends. I have asked the one 3 times if we can hang out but everytime she says that she's been so busy and now it makes me wonder if they even want to hang out. It makes me want to pull away. To hold myself back. Because I feel like I'm investing too much in the relationship without them being willing or having time to invest on their end. The other one is so busy trying to get her dreams off the ground that she has no time to spare to help me even though she has time to go to art class with me.
I'm still frustrated about it. But I think I'm in the wrong to expect any help from either of them because neither of them seem to be too emotionally invested. I think I need to hold myself back till I see the same amount of interest from others so I can know that they genuinely care. I'm tired of investing in people as friends only to come to the realization that they are not friends and they could care less about me. It's so hard when one has lost so many relationships because it's hard to not go from being extra clingy or the other extreme of being closed off.
I guess this is a learning experience for me. A painful one though. But...
I will rise above this. Something will need to work out. I just can't see it right now. And time alone will tell me if these two "friends" are genuinely friends or not...I hope they are...I want them to be...but we'll see.